Meditation 6

June 19, 2014

Kolathur Advaita Ashram

I am fortunate to spend time with Swami Ramanandaji, Guru Bhai of Gurudev Swami Chinmayanandaji and a direct disciple of one of the greatest Masters of 20th century, Swami Shivananda Saraswati.

The 87 years old Mahatma, also used to share a special bond with Sri Swami Tapovan Maharaj and had spent time in proximity with him.

When I requested the Master, to share an episode with Tapovan ji, he narrated the following incident.

“I was in my early 20s, staying at Shivananda ashram in Rishikesh. I also used to go to Uttarkashi to meet Sri Swami Tapovanam. During one of those visits, Swamiji asked me to pay a visit to an “amma” performing rigorous “tapas” in a neighboring cave on the shores of Ganga. I went there, saw her from a distance and returned.

“Swamiji told me that she was a Yogini of the highest order who is getting ready to “give up” her body (attain Maha Samadhi) in a few days time. He asked me to stay back and return only after witnessing the most auspicious sight of Mahasamadhi.

“On the appointed day we went to her cave in anticipation. At the most auspicious hour, she twitched in her seat of Tapas, drew three breaths deep and lifted herself up (seated in padmasana posture). She then moved (through air!) and dipped herself in the raging Ganga!

“With prayer on lips we stood spectators through out.”

Meditation 5

June 18, 2014

Kolathur Advaita Ashram

Me1: Who are you?

Me2: Sat-chit-aananda swaroopam. Shivoham!

Me1 (laughing): Text book answer! You have been “parroting” this for long.

(Silence)

Me1: Who are you?

Me2 (head down): I don’t know.

Me1 (smiling): Are you not “sat-chit-aananda swaroopam”?

Me2: Masters say so. Shastra say so. But it is not my realisation.

Me1 (stern face): Are you not ashamed that your understanding of yourself is based on what a Shankara or a Buddha say?

Me2 (protest): That’s my faith in them!

Me1: So long as their words don’t become your conviction, you do not have faith in them.

Don’t guise your weakness as Shraddha. You are fooling yourself.

(Silence)

Me2: Where am I going wrong?

Me1: In your approach to Vedant.

Me2: How?

Me1: Vedant to you is still a discipline like any other physical sciences.

It “excites” you. You are charmed by the subtlety of its thought, hypothesis and theories, finesse of concepts, lucid commentaries of the Masters, discussions and debates, arguments and counter arguments. You have reduced it to a mere intellectual puzzle.

It will be “liberating” to you only when you approach it as the “science to know yourself”.

(head down)

Me1: Stop being a part time sadhaka. Be a full timer.

Now is the time!

Meditation 4

June 17, 2014

Kolathur Advaita Ashram

Me: Master, what inspired you to this life (monkhood)?

(Silence)

Me: I am eager to know.

(Silence)

Master: Where does Ganga originate?

Me: At Gaumukh

Master: Really?

Me: That’s what I have read.

Master: At Gaumukh, only a small stream exist. As it flows down the Himalayas, hundreds of streams, rivers- small and big join. Together they gush to the plains and by the time it enters Kolkata to merge with the Bay of Bengal, it is countless times bigger.

Ganga is made with the waters of all its tributaries. To single out Gaumukh as the source of Ganga is erroneous.

A sanyasi (monk) is born when sadhana chatushtayam (four fold virtues that includes six fold inner-wealth) is effulgent in a jeeva. It is the culmination of lessons learnt from experiences lying across many lives. To single out one or two experiences from this life and to establish a causal connect is wrong.

Reflection:

Seek not the source of a flowing river,
Ask not the origin of a travelling monk,
The points doesn’t exist!

Meditation 3

June 16, 2014

Kolathur Advaita Ashram

Me: Sometimes I oscillate between excitement and despair.

Master: What oscillates?

Me: This mind.

Master: Right

(silence)

Me: I am not able to control mind.

Master: Give up the desire to control.

Me: But I am unable to attain peace of mind. Inefficiency is the result.

Master: Don’t acknowledge the swings of mind. Ignore it and continue with work.

Me: Isn’t that escapism?

Master: Not to give undue importance to mind is the only way to deal with it.

Senses crave for pleasure. Mind operates with own reservoir of vasanas (tendencies). It cannot be stopped.

Me: Some thoughts bring shame.

Master: Do not judge thoughts. Let it pass. Do not act on impulse.

Me: Yes master.

Reflection:
Vali (of Ramayana) had an unique ability to absorb half the strength of the enemy who fights him face to face. It left Ram with the only option of not engaging him directly. Guerilla war!

Mind demands same treatment.

Meditation 2

June 15, 2014

Kolathur Advaita Ashram

Me: It seems that institutions cannot lead one to Truth.

Master: Right

Me: But institutions serve the world. They are necessary for the cohesion and progress of societies.

Master: Right

Me(thinking): That almost makes World an antonym of Truth!

Master: Realise Truth and then serve the world.

Reflection:
It is not the chirping* of birds that makes the sun rise. Sun rises when the time has come. Likewise, it is not the action (selfless) that gives one the vision of Truth. Truth dawns only with (self) Knowledge.

*When the birds chirp it is certain that the dawn is near.

Meditation 1

June 14, 2014

Kolathur Advaita Ashram

Master: Follow NONE.
Me: Not even Guru?
Master: NO

–Deep meditative silence for a full minute–

Master (looking compassionately): You may imbibe qualities you admire from an individual. But following anyone other than Yourself will not lead you anywhere.

Musing 59: Lead(oth)ers?

November 18, 2015

It is amusing. Everybody wants to be a leader!

Lead whom?
Lead others!

Lead where?
Lead somewhere!

But why?
Because the professional success and social status are measured on it. Self worth hangs on it!

Does that mean, this urge for leadership is more a symptom of a deeper insecurity than one’s dedication for a cause?

God save our lead(oth)ers!
……………………………………..

There is a serious misunderstanding that leadership is about “leading others.” It is not! If it is so, for every leader created there should be a follower too! That is a feudal order, isn’t it?

Being a leader is to take charge of oneself. It is about approaching every single moment with intensity complete, which is possible only if one’s inner equipment (mind-intellect) is clear, steady and ignited by a higher cause. We need to be concerned only about our readiness and availability to let the vision manifest.

If people associate in our mission, partner them in good cheer. If someone seeks our help, assist them with humility. But let us learn to stop it there. This whole idea that “I think you need my help” because “I might know better than you” is all exaggerated self importance.

Let us learn to mind our own business. There is great joy in doing one’s work wholly…. silently, far away from the limelight.

—

Musing 58: Beloved

November 16, 2015

Me1: Tell me, who is greater? The lover or the beloved?

Me2: Is the lover different from the beloved? The beloved lives in the lover.

Me1: I’m so full.

—

Musing 57: The Pain

November 13, 2015

I have a pain. It reigns the unfathomable depths of my heart. It was born when I was first conscious of myself. It is with me ever since.

Sometimes it is dormant, duping me to believe that I am cured. That’s when I laugh, sing and dance. That’s when people find me adorable.

Other times it jabs, sending shock waves through my being. Then I go into my world to fight my battle. I occasionally come out and smile at people, lest they think I am selfish and don’t care for them.

There are times when it is most intense. It pierce my heart, punctures my cells, soak them in my blood and set them on fire.

I see the flames. I feel the burns. I scream for help. I plead mercy. And when I realise that none can help, I cry and cry and cry till my own tears douse the flames and heal my burns.

Why did I not die? Oh! I was dead many times. But this pain is a sorcerer! It brings me back to life every time I am dead. It thrives on sadistic pleasure.

Once I decided to meet it eye to eye. I waited for it when it was dormant. I observed it raising hood. I followed it all through as it pierced my heart. I saw it burning my heart. I didn’t resist. I watched and watched and watched, all through the raging fire, determined to bear it all. Time stood still. Nah! I froze the moment with my conscious gaze. I was looking within!

Did you know what I saw?

Myself, the ego!

The Ego is my pain!

This individuality, which seperate me from the whole, is my pain!

But is there an “I” devoid of “Me”?

Oh yes! I, the One without a second!

—

Musing 55: But Why?

October 26, 2015

Me1: Why do I find myself in certain situations over and over again inspite of my firm resolve and deligent efforts to avoid them?

Me2: Because you have not learnt what it intends to teach you.
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